It’s time for the Love-meter check-up. How much love and passion do you have in your life, on a scale of 0 to 10?
What we measure, will receive our focus and with time, will change. That’s how our brain works.
Let’s have a look at where you are vs. where you want to be on YOUR Love-meter. Be honest with yourself. The first step towards a change, is to face the reality.
If your answer is 9 or 10 out of 10, your Love-meter is hot. Tell me how you are doing it. I’m genuinely curious to hear your story to share with others.
If your answer is 6, 7 or 8, your Love-meter is warm. Ask yourself what’s missing for you to get to where you want to be.
If your answer is 0, 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5 out of 10, your Love-meter is cold. You need to seriously consider to prioritise your romantic life and bring some change in your relationships.
Here is a question for you: why is your Love-meter cold or what’s missing? There may be many reasons but let me bring you to reality: if you don’t change it, no one will.
It takes an effort to bring passion in a long-term relationship. It takes practice and knowledge to stay in love for decades.
If your Love-meter is not where you want to be, here is my top communication secret for women, to help you bring more connection and intimacy.
Express your wish AND a reason.
Most men want to know how to make women happy. They want clear and concise directions.
For women it is hard to clarify what they want, as in their brain things are intertwined and inter-connected with emotional past, present and future.
That’s why, in 90% of relationships, men find it hard to understand women.
Moreover, women express their wishes without stating the reason why these wishes matter to them. It’s totally understandable if we look at why that happens. Generally, parents don’t teach girls to mention reasons why they want things.
Remember, when you were a little girl, your wish was like a command for your dad? You were his princess, you got what you wanted, just by stating your wish. Because for a father, little girl’s wishes are like commands.
It is not the same for a romantic partner. Our partner is looking for an equal relationship between two adults rather than being a second parent to us.
So, how shall you express your wish WITH a reason?
First, you choose a time when you are both calm and relaxed.
Second, you communicate your wish.
Third, you associate your happy state with his action. Show him that you will feel happier if he did XYZ.
Fourth, you confirm you are happier when he does it and congratulate he has achieved his goal of making you feel happier.
Let’s take an EXAMPLE: You would like to receive flowers for St. Valentine’s. Many women leave this to a man to ‘figure out’ that she wants flowers, how often and what type of flowers.
If you think he will do it automatically without you asking, you are leaving this to a chance.
If you say: ‘I want flowers’. The chances are 50/50 that he would do it. Generally, men need to know what an action would bring to you and how much of a reward that is for him or for you.
If you say: ‘Honey, if you want to make me happy, bring me a large bouquet of pink peonies. It will remind me how much you love me’. In this scenario, there is a very high chance he will bring you flowers as it’s a clearly stated reason and your wish.
Once he brings you flowers, you show him how happy you are and thank him for making you the happiest woman on Earth. That will tap into his reward circuit and next time, he will be more likely to get you flowers.
Easy? Try it out and let me know how that works. I would love to hear from you.
With love
Darya
