I have a confession to make: I don’t feel enough at times. There is a part of me that values myself but there is another part that can drive me to do things, overload myself with work, malnourish and prioritise other projects and everyone else before me.

That happens when the inner value-meter of my own worth goes down and I feel bad about myself. It can be triggered by the way I look, or expectations of a project, how much I feel valued or even whether I exercise or not.

Does it sound familiar?

Most people suffer from this ‘epidemic issue’ that is spread across the globe and there has been little cure found for it yet.  Generation after generation psychologists and health experts try to find a remedy for this condition but fail to bring it to scale in education and health-care.

Low self-value is the main reason why relationships break up, projects fail and often results in binge-eating, binge-shopping or even binge-working. All this may lead to self-dissatisfaction resulting in depressive states and emotional and physical violence.

Here are 4 reasons why your self-value is low and how to raise it:

1. YOU BELIEVE YOUR THOUGHTS. It’s not your fault. We all at times fall into the trap of overthinking and over judging ourselves. Simply put, you have hypnotised yourself into believing that something important to you is not possible, that you aren’t worthy, you don’t have experience, they don’t like you, you need to be something else, etc.

Change it to IT’S JUST A THOUGHT. All our goals, aspirations, self-criticism and desires are nothing but a thought that can be changed in a second. Like clouds in the sky, our thoughts come and go. Without ‘sticking’ to our thoughts and beliefs, we can let them appear and pass so we start focusing on other thoughts. It’s just a matter of choosing where our focus goes.

I recently interviewed Dr Amy Johnson, who is the author of The Little Book of Big Change, where we discussed exactly this point. If you want some insights, here it goes:

2. YOU BELIEVE YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING TO BE VALUABLE.. You value actions, your feeling of respect and appreciation is based on what people say to you or what you do and the results of that.

Change it to I AM ENOUGH. This is a simple phrase that you can start your day with: ‘I’m enough. I’m unbelievably enough. I was enough yesterday, I am enough today and I will be enough tomorrow’. Say this every day to yourself out loud. It works wonders as it conditions to BE rather than to DO or to HAVE. We are enough to BE and we can consciously choose what we want to DO. Not the other way around.

3. YOU ARE TOO FAST. You feel that life is happening to you rather than for you.

SLOW DOWN. Pause.  We are too action-oriented to achieve, to succeed, to prosper in this physical world, forgetting to slow down and relax. Enjoyment from the process of being, the art of silence and deep connections are the ultimate inner joy.

4. YOU DON’T CELEBRATE YOUR STRENGTHS OR SUCCESSES. Although you are achieving a lot, you don’t celebrate and value your strengths enough.

CELEBRATE YOUR UNIQUENESS.  When was the last time you celebrated your uniqueness? Hmm, let me guess. I think NEVER is the answer. We should have an International Uniqueness Day, when we celebrate each person for their unique skills, talents and energy. It would be a marvellous occasion. Proposed activities to accompany the day: just BE who you are, share your values and beliefs with others, connect with like-minded people to feel better, teach others what you are good at, learn something that you like. What are your thoughts on this?

Which ones of the above resonated with you the most?

With love & gratitude

Darya