Hello sunshine,
How do we feel loved and how do we love others? It’s important to know the love language of our beloved partner, our friends and our children. And more importantly, what to do, when love communication does not work?
Let’s first look at 5 love languages and then learn how to fix communication when none of these work.
According to Gary Chapman there are 5 love languages that we use to express our love. Similarly, we expect others to show their love using the same 5 languages:
- Words of Affirmation. Some of us just love being praised by words. Words mean the world to us. More than anything. The toughest challenge and deepest pain is to hear hurtful words from the person who we love the most, the person who we value the highest, who is our partner. Those of us who’s love language is Words of Affirmation, literally get hurt from hearing criticism and judgement. Similarly, we flourish when we are cherished and praised in public and private life.
- Acts of Service. Others see love as doing good things. ‘You promised to fix it and you didn’t! How much do you love me after all?’ – That’s an example of inner-dialogue of a person whose love language is Acts of Service. We feel valued & loved when we receive deeds and we show love by doing good things to our partner. Cooking, cleaning, helping, looking after – these are just a few examples of this language.
- Gifts. ‘When was the last time you gave me a present?’ or ‘I love surprises’. ‘You forgot about our anniversary date to give me a present!’ These are the phrases of those who feel loved by receiving gifts. You will notice that they may try to give gifts to others to show their love. The wise strategy is to give a present back. They will truly appreciate that.
- Quality Time. For this bunch of lovers, quality time is the only currency of love. Not just time spent with them. Time spent with them on THEIR terms. That may mean: talking about the specific topics they like, doing things together, looking into each other’s eyes, exact amount of time per week. One advice here – you need to know what they mean by Quality Time. Different people understand this differently.
- Physical Touch. Hugs, hugs, hugs. Making love, kissing, touching. Repeat 100 times. If our partner’s language is Physical Touch, there needs to be a constant flow of that. Not once and for all. I mean constantly. That is like learning to speak a foreign language. If you struggle with being close physically or showing your love by Physical Touch, it’s never too late to learn how to do that. There is good news with this language: there are no bad side-effects. Just positive ones. Biologically, hormonally you will have oxytocin produced. That will increase your trust and connection with your partner, as well as a bunch of endorphines to make you feel good.
So all above is good. Provided, there is a high self-esteem of the person in front of you. If they don’t value themselves though, they may be relying too much on you giving them love. The same for you. If YOU don’t have high self-esteem. If you don’t feel enough, it’s time to change that.
Reach out for a quick diagnostic session to figure out how to best help you raise your self-esteem. And bear in mind, even the most successful people who I work with, have issues with self-esteem. It’s the one big ‘black hole’ that consumes so much energy and so much of your attention. Consciously or unconsciously.
The good news, is that I have an amazing toolbox, that I’m happy to share with you, called ‘SELF-ESTEEM CURE‘
Please feel free to refer a friend or a family member. Give them a gift of a FREE consultation with me (please check that they want it themselves :-)).
With love & gratitude,
Darya
XO