Oh, that’s one of my favourite topics. So far, we have covered physical human needs as part of the Ladder of Needs, i.e. air, water, food, space, home, movement, rest and sex. Now we move towards emotional needs and I’ve chosen happiness to be the first one. Let’s be honest, every one of us wants to be happy. I long for happiness. I think it’s so important that I get frustrated when I don’t feel happy. Yep, sometimes I get overboard with the quest for happiness. Happiness is such a part and parcel of my psychological blueprint that I sometimes overlook negative points, which lead me to the Polyana effect that is thinking over-positive about potential outcome.
And it’s not only me thinking that happiness is so important. Millions of people answer every year in surveys and psychological research that this is what they want in life. Even the United Nations declared happiness as the universal goal. So what is happiness? Everyone defines happiness differently, but we all agree that it is a state of being happy that is joyful, satisfied, blissful, peaceful and fulfilled.
Let me think for a moment, do I experience these states all the time in my life? Of course, not! I have glimpses of that when I see a sunshine or a rainbow, when I am aware of myself, when I enjoy something greatly, when I do something good to a person or to many people, when I learn something, when I create something, when amazing things happen and so on. These are moments, not continuum.
One of my favourite happiness-experts, Matthieu Ricard, writes that we all can learn to be happy for a longer period of time by training our brain. He studied mindfulness meditation in a Tibetan monastery. He did research on how to train a brain, in Europe and US. The main idea is that we can exercise our brain to feel more compassionate and peaceful. We become aware of our thoughts and behaviour and thus, bring more happiness from within out, rather than searching for it from outside. When we have external conditions like ‘once I am healthy, I will feel happy’, or ‘if I have a wonderful partner, I will be happy’, ‘When I get this house or car, I will be much better’, we live in illusion of our own mind. Happiness does not depend on our external happiness. It matures inside us. Like a flower blooming getting its strength and nutrients from the earth, we need to look deeper in ourselves to feel happy.
Well, you can say it’s easy to say that when you are a monk, but when you have a family with little children…that’s just a tiny bit harder. Those fleeting moments of happiness are rarely a one long happy day. Normally it’s a mix of all feelings both positive and negative. Don’t worry, most people live a day experiencing both, even monks.
Even Dalai Lama once said that he himself struggles to feel happy all the time. It is a practice that develops and we can all learn to feel happier more often.
What helps to feel happy? Meditating and praying for sure. Reflecting on your life and finding positives in it is one of the best ways to feel grateful and happy. And it is a perfect time now to do that, when we are getting to the end of the first month of the new year.
Having better relationships, for example, is another way to feel happy. According to a Harvard study, social and family ties are the most important component of a happy life.
I’m curious, how are you doing with your relationships, are they getting better and stronger or weaker and worse?
One of my favourite exercises to feel happier is to sit quietly with eyes closed and imagine that you are filled with light and joy. Imagine that you send your love and compassion to many people around the world who suffer, who are in need, who don’t have shelter, who don’t have food. To thank and feel gratitude for who you are, for what you have received in life, for what you can still do and experience. Even all challenges and issues are best friends and great lessons. To feel great and grateful for everything that a day brings. To extend this loving energy to other beings in the world and imagine that you are hugging the whole planet and feel strong, peaceful and blissful.
My suggestion is to pause and reflect. How can you be happier now without any extra conditions? The truth is, deep down in our heart, we are happy the way we are. Our cultural or family conditions trigger competitive or negative thoughts about ourselves. To feel happy we just need to be our true deep Self.
I look forward to hearing from you, how do you feel happy? What is your secret?
To a more ENRICHed version of yourself!
With love,
Darya
